And Now I Don't Care, I Could Go Anywhere With You, And I'd Probably Be Happy...

In the day time, everything is so hectic, everything is so worried, so hurried, everything has that desperation to it, that we must rush and scurry before the light fades, before the coming of the dark. In the day time seems to be when I get the most hurt. The days when we are together are the greatest ones that I have ever spent, but the days that we are apart are so unbearable, and everyone else is the enemy, the only problem in this relationship is other people, if not for them then we would be happy, but they insist on making us hurt, on tearing us apart... Or trying to, because we know that that can never happen.

But in the night time... Things are different. In the night, when we stay up as late as we can, as late as we are allowed and beyond, just talking on the phone, talking, and making each other feel so good, so alive, so loved... At night, when we talk, and remind each other how much we love each other, like boyfriends and girlfriends are supposed to do, and no matter what's gone on during that day, no matter what has impeded our love, has made us hurt, has made us mad, has made us cry, at night when we talk we erase all that and remind ourselves that we are the only people that matter to us in the end. At night, I remember how much I want you.

At night, when I lay awake, thinking of you, wanting you, needing you, missing you so terribly... At night, when I lay curled up, imagining you in my arms, and though you're not there I know you are in spirit, because I know that if you could be there you would, we'd do anything for that chance... And that almost makes you real. At night, when I lay in my pool of warm, yellow light, your light, the light that you taught me how to find, how to capture, the light that you send me... At night, as I concentrate on that, on holding on to yours and sending you mine, and I know that as crazy as it seems that we both find such peace in that, and though you aren't there, it's almost okay... At night, I remember how much I need you.

At night, when we lay together, in as much bliss as we've ever known, when we hold tight to each others bodies and that's all we need, that's all we'll ever need, and the world doesn't matter any more... At night, when you make me forget that I'm scared, and the dark just isn't dark with you laying beside me, when you take away that fear that has gripped me for ten long years, but somehow you just remove all that, the thought never crosses my mind, because I am just so engrossed in you, the only person I've ever needed more than myself... At night, when we are more at peace with the world than is really allowed, but we scoff at the rules and lie there, knowing that there is nothing, nothing more right than this... At night, I remember how much I love you.

I love you Jillian.