...Dawn Breaks Like A Bull Through The Hall...

You know, it's strange, but it's become quite apparent lately... The common denominator in all my unhappy times has been me over-thinking the situation. I mean... Every time I talk to Jill, I feel better about myself, because every time we talk, it's apparent that, no matter what's going on behind the scenes, she loves me, she loves me a lot, just like I love her. So, why do I always over-think?

Now that we're in the open, now that she knows I won't stay quiet anymore, there are really only three things that can happen: They can break up, we can break up, or we can have an open relationship where he knows about me and I know about him. We aren't breaking up... That is fact, it's not going to happen, and I dare anyone to tell me otherwise. We are too in love, we feel far too right together for that to happen. So, that really leaves only two choices, neither of which are so bad in the end. Them breaking up? Great! I'm all for it. The open relationship option? Well, that's much less great, and it won't last, but that's pretty much the stage we're in now, and despite it being hard, it hasn't killed me yet, so I think I can live with it.

There may come a time when I put my foot down, there may come a time when I say "Enough is enough Jill, you owe it to me to choose." There may come a time when I again realize that I never lost my backbone, I never misplaced it, it was always here, just waiting for me to require use of it again. So I'm not saying that won't happen, and we both know that. But the thing is, I'm not ready to do that just yet, so while the option is there, the bare recognition of it is almost enough to satiate me. I mean, I've discovered with this whole blog thing that sticking up for yourself actually feels pretty good, and it's better to die on your feet than live on your knees anyway, right? But it hasn't come to that, and I don't think it will... But the fact that I finally recognize it's there is so comforting, because I know that I'm still a man.

Well good, I feel pretty good about myself now, I'm optimistic and empowered and all those good things. Now, if we can just do something about that damn Mother of mine...

Thank you Jill, for everything you've done for me, and everything you will do as this relationship continues. I love you.