The Landlocked Blues...

*Sigh* I don't know whether it's the grey morning, or my stress taking its toll on me, but I feel so... So weary. Weary of all this, of all our fighting, of him constantly provoking me and me taking the bait, though I know I'm being baited, and weary of worry about her, and weary of worrying about what she's telling him, how I'm being looked at, just... Weary of all of it.

I'm tired of looking like a liar... I've been a liar before in my life, perhaps more than most, I don't know, and I've certainly been called a liar before... And at times, it's been well deserved. But this time... I don't know, it's just... Everytime he calls me a liar, it's like I can hear her doing it as well. And I know she does it for a good reason, but it hurts so much all the same. I mean... I feel like the boy who never cried wolf, not even once, even when the wolves were dragging sheep off into the night. And finally, the one time when he just can't handle it on his own... They laugh at him. They all laugh at him. I mean, I can stand him thinking me a liar, thinking me a desperate loser, but I can bear the thought that she's doing it too, because she's the one I care about, and I care so much about what she thinks, and though I know she's not really doing it... It hurts all the same.

I resolved to give up lying long ago, and I really have, for the most part. These stories are still true, whether I have titled them as such or not. I finished with the last false stories I'll ever tell long ago. These ones... These ones are to be believed, no matter how crazy they might seem.

*Sigh* It'll all get better later, once I talk to her. I love you Jill.