...We're Both At Fault, We're Both To Blame...
I think I've lost the urge to do this... To do anything. I can feel a slow apathy creeping in, and I know that that apathy is really just the grasping tendrils of a larger depression waiting on the horizon.
I thought the passage of time would have started to ease my pain by now, but it's clear that a week is not even close to the required amount of time. Every little thing about... them, still hurts me... Their little pet names, the pictures of them together... I thought that I would have accepted it by now, but no.
The bastard is still emailing me too... Does she realize that he can't keep his mouth shut to save his life? Or, more applicable, to save their relationship? That poor son of a bitch doesn't even realize the aces I have up my sleeve. And the sad thing is, out of respect to her, he never will.
He just stands there and kicks me while I lie curled up in the fetal position. And the sad thing? She stands by and watches, and sure, maybe it hurts her, and maybe she shields her eyes, turns her head and looks away... Good, I don't want her to watch me while I'm in pain like that. But the fact is, it keeps happening, and yeah, I hold her responsible for that. We are judged by the company we keep, for better or for worse... And the fact is, she picked him. Now, I'm going to judge her on that.
Do I want to cut all contact with her? Would that ease this pain? No, and yes. Maybe things would stop, on that side, though a new pain, almost unimaginable, would come up on the other side. Time, as it always does, might ease that pain... But nothing is a sure thing. The fact is, we love each other, and for that to die... I would feel more empty than I do now, and that is a hard thing to even consider.
I need a walk now... I don't know what kind of state I'll be in when I get home, or what kind of mood either... I wish I could say that it can only go up, but that would be a bit of a lie. I feel like shit right now, certainly, but it can always get worse. Here's to hoping it doesn't...
Now let's go complete that toast.
7 comments:
I'm sorry that she doesn't do anything. Maybe she's just scared... or... Maybe she didn't think it hurt you that much. I'm pretty sure she thought he would have stopped by now, but I guess he's not that mature.
I'm sorry about all this, really I am.
Take care, ok?
you really need to stop playing the innocent and hurt one here
she is not the selfish bitch you are making her out to be. not only is she upset by this too, but you are antagonizing her about it too.
so stop playing all this "poor me" bullshit
apologize and move on
I'll move on when I am good and ready to, and not a second earlier. Perhaps it would help if certain pathetic sons of bitches would keep their damn mouths shut and quit flogging a dead horse, eh?
I never called her a selfish bitch, now did I? I stated fact... You think that makes her a selfish bitch? Congratulations on your opinion, but you'll excuse me if I don't share it. In fact, I'm the one that gets pissed off at her whenever she makes mention of putting herself down... So clearly, if I wanted to call her a selfish bitch, I would.
You want me to stop playing this "poor me" bullshit... Well, sorry asshole, but it hurt like hell. And I realized it hurt her too. You know why? Because we loved each other, very much. It's been less than a week... As I said, I'll move on when I'm damn well ready. I don't recall requiring you to read my blogs... In fact, I don't recall wanting you here at all. Don't like it? Too. Fucking. Bad.
Apologize? What the fuck do I have to apologize for? No, seriously, tell me... This should be really good.
having a pair or three of a kind of aces, doesn't mean a thing when you still fold
and who is comment number two
i'm the only one allowed to make fun of chris. everyone else has o ist there supporting him and ridiculing me.
only another 2 weeks or is it 3?
do any of you realise how silly it is to be arguing against putting him down?
lets let chris get on with his life, not make it harder for him to do so.
a blog is a place for him to rant, not for you to rant at him. if you have a problem with him, TALK to him.
Hey! That girl must be stupid for leavin someone like you <3
But that means I must have been an idiot too
I love you
be happy
Peace
xox-Lauren-xox
and you say girls don't love you.
That's three, or four I count now.
tsk tsk, don't put yourself down, eh?
and fricken write something new. y'hear?
(P.S. consider yourself DAMN lucky. I never use that terrible Canadian word. EVER)
Jill XOXO
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