Say Goognight and Go...

I left drama night because I was so upset, all my Melba Toast is gone and I just realized it, I have heartburn that is so bad it seems to be digging a hole in my chest, my favourite girl in the world is not here to help me with my problems, and on top of it all, I have to retype every word in this blog 3 or 4 times before it makes any sense at all. I'm not having a good go of things at the moment, to be honest.

I had a great time earlier this evening, Kevin and I bought the most massive bottle of wine, and drank the entire thing... Seriously, we bought like a 60 of wine and drank it all. I am having such a hard time typing. We talked about shit, and I rarely feel closer to anyone than I do when I'm drunk with Kevin. We're... urgh, I can't even explain it, but we're really, really close, and especially when we drink.

And then we went to drama night together, and Dave had some really funny jokes at improv, and I had a good time. But... it slowly built up the whole time, and by the time improv was done, I just felt so lonely and depressed that I told Kev I was going to the washroom, then gathered my stuff from my locker and walked home.

I feel so much like that line from "We Used to Vacation" by The Cold War Kids... I want to listen to it, hold on... "But at the meetings I felt so empty..." And it's not just what he says, it's how he sings it... And I did, I felt so empty, I just couldn't sit there anymore, surrounded by people who did know what was going on...

There was a girl there, a girl I really, really like, and just seeing her made me upset too, because it seemed like she was just so... I don't know. It seemed like I could never approach her, like she was this girl that was just so out of my league...

My mind has not yet fixed itself, and this worries me. I'm sure it will happen...

I need a shower. I'm so drunk, and upset... I just wanted to cause myself some pain, I just... I don't know. I can't believe I left Kevin there. I hope he doesn't worry. I'm surprised at how well
I know the keyboard.

I'm lonely...