Oh wow. Oh, wow. This is really bad, guys. I don't remember ever, ever having an emotional mix like this. I really, really, actually, honest-to-God, this isn't just me being cliched and crying for attention, hate my family, my life, and... okay, those two things, at the moment. I told them that too, just now. I have actually had an unbelievably bad run of luck in the last few days, and pile that on top of the fact that I've already been going through the worst bout of depression I can remember... I mean, this shit never lasts this long for me. It's been like two weeks. And, usually, I get depressed, but then a lot of the time when I'm depressed it's like an undercurrent, you know, but on the surface I can maintain an aura of happiness, because on the surface, I really am happy, you know? But today, walking by myself, downtown... I couldn't believe it, there was no happiness. I caught my reflection in a passing window and was forced to ask what had happened, what's happened to me? This is bad, guys, I'm actually at the point where I don't know what to do, it's not one of those "sleep it off, tomorrow is a new day sort of things", it's at the point where I can't do this myself anymore, I really almost want to ask for help, and I mean real help, but... I think I can last a little while longer, and try to salvage this myself. I cut myself, a little while ago, I alluded to it in one of my blogs, and I can't say it felt good, but for a moment I almost understood why those kids did it, you know? And a few minutes ago, I was just so overwhelmed, I almost did it again, right in front of my Mom, just so that she'd understand. Holy shit, that's not something I admit, let alone something I do, right? That is completely not me. I can't figure out if I should just erase that sentence and act like it never happened, like before, but... I've always been one for full disclosure. Won't happen again though, I don't think. But I'm at the end of my rope, I've tied my knot, I'm hangin' on, but I'm getting tired. I want to actually sleep, right now, I'm pretty tired, I took some night-time sinus medication, I should rest. Goodnight.