There's Nothing Out There...

I'm at the point where I don't like talking about this stuff because I hate sounding like a broken record. It's just... Jeeze. I'm even getting worried about myself now, you know? It's like... All these people love me, you know, and I know that... but it doesn't heal me, it doesn't make me feel better. It's like I can't feel it. What does that mean? Why hasn't this gone away yet? I always felt things so intensely, but it was always a cycle thing, you know? It was quick, it was disorienting, it was hard to deal with... but I got used to it, right? I had this terrible vision, laying on the couch... Of what if this was how it was going to end? It was like... a supernova. A boy, who felt things so intensely, until eventually he burned out. And he wasn't the same. And he was me, obviously. It seems stupid, but at the same time... what do I know of life? How do I know that that doesn't happen? If this goes on for much longer... I'm going to need a professional. I mean that too. But right now... I actually just need someone to hold me, for a while, and I need to cry all this out. So far, I know people love me, but I seem too far away from that. I need it right beside me, and maybe then, I'll feel it too.

Everyone, but especially Dave... Listen to "Little Birds" by Neutral Milk Hotel... Or, Jeff Mangum, rather. Read the story behind it, and then listen to it... Thanks to Dave letting me rip their CD, I've really gotten into them, and this song... My God. It's actually too intense emotionally for me right now.