We're On The Eve Of Destruction...

Thinking of the fact that every single person I see is a conscious, sentient being, each with their own thoughts and feelings and worries and desires... It absolutely blows my mind into a state where I have to suspend my thinking for a moment. I am so conscious of other people's feelings, things like that, that in order to live on a daily basis, especially lately, and not be affected by everything around me, just to survive and continue with my life, I have had to live so solipsistically, to forget about others for a moment and just try to get through things for myself, and to then think these thoughts and open myself back up, it just stuns me into silence.

The wedding was really, really nice. I drank far too much though, mostly because Mom told me I couldn't (and it was a free bar, and I was bored.) I started getting sad too, near the end I suppose, thinking mostly about women and happiness and the effect of one upon the other. And...

I just spoke a sentence that contained more swearing per letter than actual words. I'm lapsing into sarcasm and anger, and... I just had this really wierd, acute feeling, of... a blood vessel in my brain breaking, and red, red, red flowing all through my mind. Anger, it was. I realize that it's simply my drunk mind's way of showing visually that I feel a strange sort of melancholy anger, but it was an interesting image to be presented with. Raaaagggggeeeeee...

I'm sad, and... depressed, again, and I can't tell if this is the same strain as before, but maybe it is, and if so, that's not good. I have no one to be here to comfort me, and words can only go so far. But, nothing can get to me whilst I sleep. I guess I'll just head off to bed then. It seems, almost, fairly sad to go to bed in order to escape being sad though. Whatever.

Wedding was nice though.