Everything You Know Is Wrong...

Okay, I think... I think I'm a bit calmer now, and a bit more coherent. I just... I just have this huge, all-pervading feeling that the people I love the very most, and a few people very specifically, just hate my guts. I don't know what to do about it... they're so important to me. And, I mean, intellectually I know there's a chance I might be wrong, but... I just can't stop those thoughts. And I don't know what to do... I don't know how to make things right, there's just a sense that things never will be right... I've screwed up in some monumental way. Or, not even in a monumental way... it's little things. I can pin-point some of them exactly, and sometimes I just get a vague sense of them, a few words I shouldn't have said, or should have said, or... and I don't know how to fix things! I'm sorry! God, there I go again, I just can't stop just crying about it, because everything feels so... hopeless, you know? I feel like I'm dying... or withering, is more appropriate. And I've screwed up this weekend, and it should have been amazing, but I can't stop these feelings, and it just messes everything up...

I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry. I'll sleep... I just need to sleep for a long time.

Nothing is alright for me. Everyone hates me, I know it... it's my fault. Jodi definitely hates me, and Carrie does, and Molly... Lianne... All the people. All of them. This is horrible... I don't even know what to do. I just want to die. Kevin doesn't though. I know that at least... he gave me a talk in the car. He left, and I just started crying...I don't know what to do! I'm sorry, everyone, I'm so sorry... but the people most important to me in the world, I don't even know how to make things right...

None of this makes sense. Nothing makes sense anymore. I need help...