A Lesson Is Learned, But The Damage Is Irreversible

I'm not great today. In fact, you might say I'm... God, what am I? I'm really depressed, I'm really stressed out, I'm in a bad state altogether. I couldn't take it anymore, and so I sat down in the Chinese food place so that I could start pouring it all out. I'm out picking up job applications, despite the fact that it's freezing cold and I'm sick as hell. My Mother's idea, not mine. I hate the God damned cold. It's such a miserable day out... It's so fucking grey and dreary. I burst into tears while walking downtown, I'm so upset and stressed out. I... Fuck, food's ready. I will continue this in a moment...

...

Or in an hour. I'm home now, finally, and my cold-numbed digits, while still sluggish, are starting to warm up. Anyway, where was I? I don't know, I'm just... not doing so well. I'm really sick... feels like bronchitis again, or maybe just a bad chest cold. I can barely breathe though, which is only compounded by the fact that I'm out of my ventolin, the inhaler which I take in emergencies, when I start getting short of breath (i.e. around 4 times a day). That means, unless I have refills, I'm going to have to go sit in the fucking walk-in clinic all day. Oh well... Maybe they can do something for this fucking cough as well. It hurts to breathe, my chest is so tight. But... I'll get by.

I'm really, really fucking stressed out too, and I can't even talk about it, it's too sensitive... But I can't do it. Not now, no, no. I can't deal with that, it's so unexpected. Not now, or anytime even soon.

And... there's more. Not yet though... I'm going to hold off on that. I just sometimes have to ask myself... How do you get yourself into these situations? Why do I always open my mouth, speak too soon? I'll fix it, but... it's my fault. A lesson has been learned... but the damage is irreversible.

The Freshman loops over and over and over...