...Who'd Do Anything For You...

I was wrong. Well, I wasn't exactly wrong... I guess I was misguided. I definitely jumped the gun though, I got far too emotional, and... Well, see, I knew Carolyn wouldn't just cast me aside like that, in my heart I knew it... But I let myself get all worked up, and I was already pretty upset about this laptop thing... Though even that doesn't seem so bad anymore. Mom told me that, one way or another, we *will* replace my laptop... Which scares me, because I don't know how we'll afford it, and I told her I could get by without one (though I still doubt that statement), but she said that we'll find a way.

But anyway, the original topic... See, it was never Carolyn's intention to just leave me, she just didn't know what to do... She just wanted to talk about it, but I jumped the gun (as always) and immediately assumed that the sky was falling. It's just... It's weird, you know, because I'm always so... In the moment. I'm always living for right then and right there, and so everything seems so ridiculously significant until I pull myself back and look at the bigger picture... Which I rarely do, because the thing is, I *like* living for the moment, and being emotional, and distracted, and manic, and all over the place... I think it's the best way to live, because you're always paying attention to the little details, and sure, you can look at the big picture sometimes too, but I think it's more important to take note of the path, and the dust at your feet, and the whispers in the wind, and the breeze on your face... It's more important to do that than it is to look at where the path is going. Because you can really walk yourself into some beautiful, beautiful messes that way.

So... I just got so scared that she was leaving me that I immediately got scared as hell and just started to write. As such, you can disregard most of my last post... Love is plenty strong, I am never alone, all that jazz. Don't discount it entirely, because it is how I felt at one small moment in my life... but recognize that the situation has changed, as situations always do. And what is that situation?

That, my friend, is a story for another day.